Abortion

I had an abortion today. I'm not going to go into the details about why I made the decision or the facts about getting pregrant because those don't really matter. It was the right dicision for me and that's all that matters. I just want to talk about today. I had to take the bus since you're not supposed to drive yourself home and I didn't have anyone to take me. The bus ride wasn't too bad and I only almost cried once on the way. My appointment was at 10am but I got there at 9:30. The waiting room was small and there were only a few other people there. It was probably there for about half an hour before they called me back, but all they did was take my payment, give me some paperwork and then put a braclet on me. When I went back into the waiting room I felt like a marked woman with the braclet on and even turned over my paperwork after I finished reading it so people wouldn't know what it was about. Then I turned it back over, I felt like I owed it every woman out there to not be ashamed about it. Soon after that the room became alot fuller and alot of girls went back and came out with a braclet on. That's when I realized that most of the girls there were there for the same reason. At first I was a little upset and that thought it wasn't fair because I was the only one there by myself, but soon there were a few other woman by themselves and I felt a little better. I kinda wanted to talk to some of them but was afraid they didn't want to talk so I didn't. A little while later they called me back for the ultrasound. The woman was very nice and even called me hunny. She said I was six weeks and 1 day and gave me a printout of the sonagram. They give you the choice if you want to have one and I'm not really sure why but I did want it. Then I had to go back out to the waiting room, which by now was completely packed. Then I got called back again for the consulating portion. The woman (again very nice) told me what was going to happen and the risks and side effects and had me sign some forms. Then I went back to the waiting room. I got called back again for them to take my blood pressure, check my blood and give me pain medicine. Then back to the waiting room. I was called back for what I thought was going to be the last time but they just gave me some valium and sent me back to the waiting room. Then I was finally called back for the last time. I stripped from the waist down and got on the table. The valium had really kicked in by that point and I was really loopy. The doctor started to preform the procedure and it was a little painful but nothing too unbarable. I really thought it would be mentally harder but I think the valium really helped with that. When he finished I got dressed (which was a little difficult due to the valium) and went into the recovery room. I sat in a recliner and they gave me soda and cookies. I really wasn't feeling any pain and I started talking to the other girl in the room about why she had it done. I know I would not have said anything if it weren't for the valium. After about ten minutes they had me check to see how much I was bleeding and then gave me my bag with some medicine and birth control pills to help start my next period and sent me on my way. I kinda thought it was a very short time in the recovery room but I was totally ok and with the number of girls there I knew they would be needing the space soon. My friend April came and picked me up and took me to sonic to get something to eat. Once I got home I went straight to bed and slept for about four hours. I really feel ok, and it kinda feels like I shouldn't feel this way. Sometimes I think, wow, did I really have that done today? But I know I did and now I'm going to focus on getting my life the way I want it to be, making it truely my Red year. I'm not supposed to do any hard activites so I can't start jogging about for two weeks but I'm gonna start walking. Here is my list of things I want to get done:

• start jogging again


• start a weight training program


• buy a house


• get back to following a budget