ICUP

I went and saw my dad tonight with my sister and it did not go very well. When I got there he must have just went to the bathroom in his bed and my step-mom ended up changing his sheets and cleaning him up. She was in a bad mood and left soon after I got there. I tried talking to him a little but he kinda went in and out of falling asleep and then he would sit up then lay down, sit up then lay down. He really seemed the same way my Grandfather was the last few years of his life. He also physically did not look very well. He had lost weight and I'm not sure if it's because I know how he's lost it or just that he does look different then he would if he had lost it the normal way. And the worst part came at the end, he pulled out his penis and peed on himself like it was normal. When he was done he didn't seem the least bit bothered that he was lying in his own pee. I couldn't handle it after that. I told the nurses he's sheets needed to be changed and went downstairs to watch my niece so my sister could see him. She didn't stay up there very long either. It was very hard for the both of us to see him like that. Alot harder then I thought it would be. I thought I would be alright as long as he still knew my name but I'm not so sure anymore. :(

Yeah Daddy

I went and saw my dad today. Like I've mentioned before I was really afraid he wasn't going to remember me but he did! :D Although they aren't sedating him anymore he seems to be sleeping most of the time and when he's not sleeping he doesn't quite seem to be totally awake. When I got to the hospital my step-mom tried to get him to look at me and asked him who I was, at first he said he didn't know but it looked like he barely opened his eyes so I don't really think he actually saw me. But after a while he really opened his eyes and looked at me and said that I was Rachel, I almost started to cry. I stayed for about an hour and a half til the nurses did a shift change and we had to leave. When I was leaving I told him I loved him and that I'd see him again soon and he told me he loved me too, I almost started to cry again. It was really weird seeing him like that and I know it's going to be long road to recovery but things good for him and I'm hopeful.

Motorcycles suck

My dad recked his motorcycle yesterday and he's in the hospital. According to what his buddy said, he was going around a curve and hit some gravel, flipped a few times and then was thrown from the bike. He broke a few bones in his face and has some bleeding on the brain, but nothing from the neck down. They are keeping him sedated for a few more days to help with the healing. When they lessen the drugs he is able to move the rest of his body so that's a good thing. Now it's just a waiting game. They are monitoring the swelling and won't know about any permanent damage for a while.

Now I tend to handle these types of things really well and have been doing ok. Yesterday I left work and went to the hospital. We only got to see him twice for a few minutes each time. It was really weird. He was completely sedated and his hands were really cold, my dad's hands are never cold. I didn't go over there today, I ended up working ten hours and I think I'm getting sick, plus there really isn't anything I can do for him. I'll go sometime in the next few days.

I'm not worried that he's gonna die, and I'm not freaked out that I may have a father that has some issues (new issues I should say, like most of us he already had some, lol) but I'm really scared he's not gonna remember who I am. The doctors haven't said a word about what type of damage he might have so I don't have much basis on that, but I guess in my mind that would be the worse.