Still don't know

I was really hoping that I would have a great dream last night that would tell me what I needed to do. I did have some dreams and I woke up after everyone of them but none really helped. He was in one of them but I don't really remember it. Although I do remember it not being very clear.

I'm currently watching "16 and Pregnant" on MTV. It so makes me want a baby. And seeing what a crap father the guy on the show is just reminds me of how great a father Michael would be. The really weird thing is that a few months I was really ok if I never had kids and now I want them. But I think part of that maybe just being alone now. On one hand this isn't as hard as my breakup with Paul but on the other hand is totally worse.

I just don't know

Michael and I have continued the breaking up and making up. Right now we're broken up and he said it's for real this time, but that's not the first time he's said that. I still just don't know. Is he Mr. Right? No. But will I ever really find Mr. Right? And if I do find him will he want me? I think the main reason I want to be with Michael is the fact that I don't want to be alone and I don't think Mr. Right would want me the way I am. Michael is such a positive person and I'm sure that would rub off on me and he could help me but I just don't know. I really don't like my life at the moment and the way it's going. And I just don't think I'm strong enough to change. I'm so afraid that I will be stuck for the rest of my life. I know part of it may just be the fact of the breakup and once I'm over it I might feel different but again, I just don't know. Michael really loved me. He could have other girls that are way prettier than me and make way more money then me but he wanted me. I guess I'm also afraid that he wanted me because I would put up with his crap and he's afraid these other woman wouldn't. Should I be with someone who's with me because of that??? I guess right now it's not up to me and I shouldn't even be thinking that. I'm not going to contact him but maybe if he contacts me I will get back together with him. I really wish I had more self-esteem. :(

Life???

Well, it's officially been over a week since the abortion and it seems like I should feel different. It seems like I should feel bad. I've only cried twice since then and once it was because I feel like my life is falling apart and the second time because I felt bad for hurting Michael. He really wants kids now. I know that I made the right decision and that's why I'm OK but it seems like I should feel worse. Don't most other woman feel really bad for weeks???

Speaking of Michael we've gone back and forth about being together and getting married and not. His point for getting married is that we both have pretty much the same idea of what we want from the rest of our life and that we know that we can work through our problems. Those are two very good points but I just don't know. Do I think I can find someone who I connect with more or have more in common with? Yes, but will we be able to work on our problems the way Michael and I do? I have no idea. I just don't know what to do. :(

Sunday night I went and had dinner with Paul and his mom. It was kinda nice, I almost missed doing stuff like that. I would have to say that I like Paul's family way more then I do Michael's. After dinner we went to Paul's apartment and I stayed the night. I finally met his friend/roommate Lynn and there is no way I could ever be friends with her. Not that I'm the smartest person in the world but she's kinda an idiot. Paul and I cuddled in bed but there wasn't really anything there. The next morning he got in the shower with me and again, nothing really there. He tried rubbing my back and kissing on me but it wasn't really doing anything for me. Then we went to his friend's house for a BBQ and I don't know why I said yes in the first place. I was there for like two hours and hated it. I didn't know anyone there and I hate crowds of people I don't know. I'm too anti-social to do stuff like that. And what's so weird is that I don't want Paul at all but I don't like the fact that he wants other girls. I must be needy or something like that. I think that's why I stayed with both him and Michael for so long.

Abortion

I had an abortion today. I'm not going to go into the details about why I made the decision or the facts about getting pregrant because those don't really matter. It was the right dicision for me and that's all that matters. I just want to talk about today. I had to take the bus since you're not supposed to drive yourself home and I didn't have anyone to take me. The bus ride wasn't too bad and I only almost cried once on the way. My appointment was at 10am but I got there at 9:30. The waiting room was small and there were only a few other people there. It was probably there for about half an hour before they called me back, but all they did was take my payment, give me some paperwork and then put a braclet on me. When I went back into the waiting room I felt like a marked woman with the braclet on and even turned over my paperwork after I finished reading it so people wouldn't know what it was about. Then I turned it back over, I felt like I owed it every woman out there to not be ashamed about it. Soon after that the room became alot fuller and alot of girls went back and came out with a braclet on. That's when I realized that most of the girls there were there for the same reason. At first I was a little upset and that thought it wasn't fair because I was the only one there by myself, but soon there were a few other woman by themselves and I felt a little better. I kinda wanted to talk to some of them but was afraid they didn't want to talk so I didn't. A little while later they called me back for the ultrasound. The woman was very nice and even called me hunny. She said I was six weeks and 1 day and gave me a printout of the sonagram. They give you the choice if you want to have one and I'm not really sure why but I did want it. Then I had to go back out to the waiting room, which by now was completely packed. Then I got called back again for the consulating portion. The woman (again very nice) told me what was going to happen and the risks and side effects and had me sign some forms. Then I went back to the waiting room. I got called back again for them to take my blood pressure, check my blood and give me pain medicine. Then back to the waiting room. I was called back for what I thought was going to be the last time but they just gave me some valium and sent me back to the waiting room. Then I was finally called back for the last time. I stripped from the waist down and got on the table. The valium had really kicked in by that point and I was really loopy. The doctor started to preform the procedure and it was a little painful but nothing too unbarable. I really thought it would be mentally harder but I think the valium really helped with that. When he finished I got dressed (which was a little difficult due to the valium) and went into the recovery room. I sat in a recliner and they gave me soda and cookies. I really wasn't feeling any pain and I started talking to the other girl in the room about why she had it done. I know I would not have said anything if it weren't for the valium. After about ten minutes they had me check to see how much I was bleeding and then gave me my bag with some medicine and birth control pills to help start my next period and sent me on my way. I kinda thought it was a very short time in the recovery room but I was totally ok and with the number of girls there I knew they would be needing the space soon. My friend April came and picked me up and took me to sonic to get something to eat. Once I got home I went straight to bed and slept for about four hours. I really feel ok, and it kinda feels like I shouldn't feel this way. Sometimes I think, wow, did I really have that done today? But I know I did and now I'm going to focus on getting my life the way I want it to be, making it truely my Red year. I'm not supposed to do any hard activites so I can't start jogging about for two weeks but I'm gonna start walking. Here is my list of things I want to get done:

• start jogging again


• start a weight training program


• buy a house


• get back to following a budget

Top ten of 2008

10. Getting down to a size 8
9. Remember I really enjoy being outside
8. The few hours in NYC
7. Great podcasts
6. Having a decent amount in savings
5. Quitting eating meat
4. Getting over Paul
3. Jogging
2. Hanging out with April again
1. Getting closer to the me I want to be

I FUCKING DID IT!!!

I jogged for 20 minutes straight without stopping. I really did want to stop at quite a few different points but never did. I almost can't believe I did it, I mean the longest I've jogged so far without stopping was 8 minutes. I will so be able to do that 5k at the end of Feb, I am so excited!!! Another thing I'm excited about is Big Love coming back finally. I think it's been over a year since the end of last season, but HBO tends to do that sometimes. The bad thing about that is I should be in my new apartment by then and I won't have HBO. But hopefully it will come on during a time that my mom doesn't have two things already recording and she can record it for me.

My sister Shaina called me this morning asking if I wanted to go to Wal-Mart with her and the kids. I went and then I played with them outside and we had grilled cheese sandwiches under the tree and we finally made ornaments. Niccoma wasn't as into it as I was hoping he would be that's ok. I think it will be better next year. At first Nala didn't really want to get her fingers in the glue but after my sister came over and started helping her she was better. They are drying now and I'll finish them up either Tuesday or Wednesday. Then Momma bought us Chinese for dinner. It was kinda tempting to try a chicken wing or have some won ton soup, but I held back and just ate my steamed vegetables and rice. It was still a good supper. I was also tempted to have some soda earlier in the day but that didn't last very long.

Jogging and Indian food

So yesterday after work I went and looked for more apartments for rent with April, wrote down a few numbers that I'll call today. Some looked really cute from the outside but none had how much the rent is so I get to find all that out today. Then we went jogging and it wasn't bad. We did an 8 minute jog then walked 5 minutes then jogged another 8. That was the longest we've jogged so far. For our third run for the week which we'll probably do Sunday we're supposed to try to jog for 20 minutes straight. I'm not 100% sure I'm gonna be able to do it but I'm gonna try. And I'm ok if I don't do it, I know I could do at least 10 so if I do that I think I'll be happy.

Then we went to an Indian restaurant and it was really good. I had some mango drink which was really good, then we got an appetizer with some fried potato thing, fried onion (we think, lol) and some chicken things. I had actually not had any meat since Wednesday at lunch but I did have one of the chicken things, but no beef! But I shared an entree with April which of course didn't have any meat in it since she doesn't eat meat and it was really good. I really shouldn't have gone since I didn't really have the money in my budget for it but I really wanted to try Indian food and hang out with April and Philip more. I know I'm under for stuff like gas so I'll be ok and if I don't need to buy anything else for the month I should be ok in my personal money too. The month is also 3/4 over and not drinking soda or having beef has been really easy. I really haven't had the desire for a soda and I've had the desire for steak once when my mom made herself one but that was only when I smelled it and that didn't last too long. I'm not 100% sure if I'm going to completely cut out meat one day but I'm toying with the idea.

ICUP

I went and saw my dad tonight with my sister and it did not go very well. When I got there he must have just went to the bathroom in his bed and my step-mom ended up changing his sheets and cleaning him up. She was in a bad mood and left soon after I got there. I tried talking to him a little but he kinda went in and out of falling asleep and then he would sit up then lay down, sit up then lay down. He really seemed the same way my Grandfather was the last few years of his life. He also physically did not look very well. He had lost weight and I'm not sure if it's because I know how he's lost it or just that he does look different then he would if he had lost it the normal way. And the worst part came at the end, he pulled out his penis and peed on himself like it was normal. When he was done he didn't seem the least bit bothered that he was lying in his own pee. I couldn't handle it after that. I told the nurses he's sheets needed to be changed and went downstairs to watch my niece so my sister could see him. She didn't stay up there very long either. It was very hard for the both of us to see him like that. Alot harder then I thought it would be. I thought I would be alright as long as he still knew my name but I'm not so sure anymore. :(

I've officially made it half

I've officially made it half the month without soda or beef, go me!
- R

December challenge

Still going good. I kinda wanted a soda a few days ago but it was very easy to say no. And the no beef thing has been really easy also. They actually haven't been serving much beef at work anyways and I rarely cook any at home. So I'm pretty much half-way through the month and I'm pretty proud of myself so far.

Red

I finally bought some red stuff for my room today. I got a red fleece blanket to put on my bed and some red stones to put in a little glass dish on my dresser. I really like it and can't wait to get my own place so I can do more with red! :)

Stupid boy

Well Paul contacted me on Friday. He sent me a text saying hi and I deleted it but then he texted me again and I responded. He said that he missed me and I sent him the "I don't respect you" speech I had come up with. He wanted to know what actions and what lies so we started texting about what I had issues with and of course he had something to come back with on everything. He finally stopped texting at one point, but then I started to miss him. So Saturday morning I texted him and we started going back and forth a little more. And we did the same thing today. He said at one point that I may be what he wanted and tried to convince him I wasn't. I really want him to realize that. I know he is just lonely and that's why he's contacting me but I don't think he sees it this way. I just don't know what to do, I really wish he would respect my wishes and never contact me again and move on with his life. And the worst part is that being in contact with him has made me kinda want to get back together with him. I don't know what it is, he is totally my kryptonite. I know I wouldn't be happy with him but there is just something about him that makes me want him. But I don't think it has completely set me back. I'm still ok with being single and working on myself. And I'm sure after a few days I'll stop thinking about us again. But the good thing is I haven't been angry at him at all for a few days.

December challenge

Going good so far, not a sip of soda for a week, plus I have decided to add beef to my December challenge. I'm not saying for sure but I think I might eventually try to cut out all meat, but that is going to take awhile.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I realized today that I don't really have much respect for my ex. And I think I never really had much to begin with, but I really don't have much now. I know this must sound a little selfish of me but I kinda want him to try to contact me or something like that so I can say the following to him: "Paul, because of your actions and all the lies you have told I have very little respect for you. I wish you no ill will but I wish to never have you in my life again." I'm in the angry stage right now, angry at him and at myself for letting him do that to me for so long. But that's getting better. I am noticing it's getting better each day.

Another person who I don't have much respect for is my mother. I know it's a sad thing but I don't. There are some many things that she does that just makes me lose respect for her. Now I don't hate my mother and I wish I could respect her more then I do but I just can't. There are a number of reasons why but I don't really feel like going into them tonight, but I think I should soon.

Yeah Daddy

I went and saw my dad today. Like I've mentioned before I was really afraid he wasn't going to remember me but he did! :D Although they aren't sedating him anymore he seems to be sleeping most of the time and when he's not sleeping he doesn't quite seem to be totally awake. When I got to the hospital my step-mom tried to get him to look at me and asked him who I was, at first he said he didn't know but it looked like he barely opened his eyes so I don't really think he actually saw me. But after a while he really opened his eyes and looked at me and said that I was Rachel, I almost started to cry. I stayed for about an hour and a half til the nurses did a shift change and we had to leave. When I was leaving I told him I loved him and that I'd see him again soon and he told me he loved me too, I almost started to cry again. It was really weird seeing him like that and I know it's going to be long road to recovery but things good for him and I'm hopeful.

Clean, clean, clean, plus December challenge

I cleaned like a madwoman today. I cleaned my room, my car and the kitchen. I probably could have cleaned a little more but I'm so tired. I really feel alot better now that my room is clean. There was so much stuff on the other bed and with that stuff gone through and put away the room looks bigger. I've been trying to think about what to do with my books since I don't have room for my book shelve and I finally figured it out. I made two stacks on my dresser, with the biggest at the bottom, of course. They actually look really nice there.

I've decided to give myself a challenge for December. I'm not going to have any soda for the whole month. If Walt can go a year without it, I can go 31 days. But I haven't decided on my reward. Clothes would be pointless because I'm spending my bonus check on that once I reach my goal weight, 5lbs to go, and the only "big" idea that I really want is the Kindle from Amazon.com, but it's almost $400 with tax and I'm not sure if I'm ok with spending that much money on it. Maybe I can find something else, something cheaper to reward myself.

Thanksgiving sucked!

I ate by myself this year. My mom cooked but as soon as she was done she took a plate to her mother who lives in a nursing home, and I was starving so I ate in my room alone. I'm not a very big holiday person but that did kinda suck. But I did get a good walk in and cleaned my room some. My sister and brother-in-law came over at around 7 with my niece and nephew. They ate and I played with the kids some and they left around 8:30. That was my whole Thanksgiving. It really made me miss being with ex, not him really, but his family. He has a pretty big family and holidays are a big deal to them. But I have no desire to be with him at all. The more I think about him the more I realize the mental problems he must have when it comes to relationships. I really don't think he wanted to be with me, just someone that he could settle down with, have kids, have them be apart of his family. That really hurts to think about that, but then again I think I was the same way a little bit. But I don't regret the relationship in the slightest bit, I have learned some much from it.

I have taken my profile off the dating website I was using, I don't really think I'm ready to find that person yet. I still have things about myself that I need to work on. I told mustanger2001 to stop contacting me, he starting pulling this, "this really sucks, I really liked you, blah blah blah." He was a little too mental for me, and I did meet this other guy named Mike. He was cool and smart and sweet but there just wasn't a spark. I was supposed to go over to his house yesterday and plant some trees with him but I started watching a show on the History channel about Abe Lincoln's assassination and didn't want to stop watching it to go over there. Sad I know, but I guess if it's just not there it's just not there. The planting trees thing was really cute, he told me the other day how he was cutting down one of the trees in his yard and I asked if he planted three more somewhere else and he said no, but that he'd buy some and we could plant them. I thought that was really cute of him and would have been an awesome story if we ever got together, but that's not gonna happen.

Friday started off good, I got more cleaning done and then was in the mood to shop so I called my sister. She said she was just getting the kids fed and to come on over. It was another hour before we left her house, almost the whole time I was sitting there thinking how much cleaning I could be getting done at home while waiting for them. Then we were off and our first stop was Linen N Things. I was done in about 20 minutes, got a cover for my flat iron and some lint rollers, but my sister was looking around for about an hour! Finally at one point I said I was checking out then going over to Target. Target was a total bust, I tried on a whole bunch of clothes and didn't like any of them. The only good thing that came out was that I found out I wear a size 8 now, that is so crazy! I really need new work clothes but haven't really been in the mood to go shopping.

Nine Words Women Use

I don't normally get alot of these and when I do I normally just have a little giggle then delete them, but this is a little truer then most of them and I think guys could learn from this.


NINE WORDS WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint.. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . That will bring on a 'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying F--- YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Motorcycles suck

My dad recked his motorcycle yesterday and he's in the hospital. According to what his buddy said, he was going around a curve and hit some gravel, flipped a few times and then was thrown from the bike. He broke a few bones in his face and has some bleeding on the brain, but nothing from the neck down. They are keeping him sedated for a few more days to help with the healing. When they lessen the drugs he is able to move the rest of his body so that's a good thing. Now it's just a waiting game. They are monitoring the swelling and won't know about any permanent damage for a while.

Now I tend to handle these types of things really well and have been doing ok. Yesterday I left work and went to the hospital. We only got to see him twice for a few minutes each time. It was really weird. He was completely sedated and his hands were really cold, my dad's hands are never cold. I didn't go over there today, I ended up working ten hours and I think I'm getting sick, plus there really isn't anything I can do for him. I'll go sometime in the next few days.

I'm not worried that he's gonna die, and I'm not freaked out that I may have a father that has some issues (new issues I should say, like most of us he already had some, lol) but I'm really scared he's not gonna remember who I am. The doctors haven't said a word about what type of damage he might have so I don't have much basis on that, but I guess in my mind that would be the worse.

How to push a girl away aka stupid boys

A real IM conversation I had Monday night. He then sends me another message tuesday when I'm offline asking if I like hanging out and talking to him. I replied yes, but that this convo really put me off, gave him a little advice and told him good luck. I just wonder what he's reply to that with.


mustanger2001: hey u there?
mspink_infinity: yes I am
mspink_infinity: nice and almost toasty
mustanger2001: are you still wanting to get together friday night or no
mustanger2001: im glad ur toasty
mspink_infinity: yes and I'm only almost toasty, not quite all the way
mustanger2001: yes? and y almost toasty
mspink_infinity: yes to friday
mustanger2001: ok good
mspink_infinity: and it's still a little cold in my room
mustanger2001: ohh ok
mustanger2001: r u able to drink milk?
mspink_infinity: yes
mspink_infinity: why?
mustanger2001: im not and i had a bowl of cherrios with milk and ohh boy am i feeling it
mspink_infinity: lol, silly, why did you do that?
mustanger2001: i like my cerials
mustanger2001: cereals
mspink_infinity: why not use soy milk for it then
mustanger2001: im lactose intolerant
mustanger2001: i dont like soy milk
mspink_infinity: have you tried only one brand?
mustanger2001: yeah a long time ago and i didnt like it
mspink_infinity: you should try it again, and make sure you try a vanilla flavored one, they have improved things and different brands do taste different
mustanger2001: if i do anythang that you dont like tell me don hold it back
mustanger2001: ok i will do that
mspink_infinity: ok
mspink_infinity: when you tried it, did you try drinking it or just using it in cereal?
mustanger2001: cereal
mspink_infinity: I don't think I could drink it like milk but I'm fine with using it in cereal
mustanger2001: i felt bad earlier
mspink_infinity: it's ok
mustanger2001: i wished it was warmer out side and we couldve sat on a bench and talked a lil or something
mustanger2001: what are your two fav colors
mspink_infinity: red and black
mustanger2001: are you shittin me
mspink_infinity: no, why?
mustanger2001: those are mine
mustanger2001: whats your fav movis of all time
mustanger2001: movies*
mspink_infinity: American Beauty
mustanger2001: ok ok i gotcha
mustanger2001: milk or dark chocalate
mspink_infinity: sometimes depends on what it is, but overall dark
mustanger2001: nice
mustanger2001: lets see what else
mustanger2001: fav food
mspink_infinity: chicken
mustanger2001: i thought you preferred red meat
mspink_infinity: I said I'm really loving steak right now
mspink_infinity: but I still say chicken is my fav
mustanger2001: and i also mean like italian , mexican , cuban, ...
mustanger2001: ohh ok im sorry
mspink_infinity: any of those, in chicken, lol
mspink_infinity: probably italian, I love cheese
mustanger2001: i love mexican even though im italian
mustanger2001: how many people have you been with?
mspink_infinity: I don't know the exact number right off the top of my head but it's a little over 20, I think
mspink_infinity: or maybe just a little under 20
mustanger2001: how many have you slept with or done thangs with
mspink_infinity: those are people i've slept with, and I've probably only done things with maybe a few other people
mustanger2001: wow ok
mspink_infinity: wow?
mustanger2001: i dont mean it like that
mspink_infinity: then what did you mean?
mustanger2001: what i mean is open mouth insert foot on me
mspink_infinity: yeah
mustanger2001: now u think im an ass dont you
mspink_infinity: not quite, lol
mspink_infinity: it could have been a worse comment
mustanger2001: im not trying to be mean im sorry
mspink_infinity: it's ok
mustanger2001: how many other guys are you talking to at this point in time from the site pof.com
mspink_infinity: 1
mustanger2001: does he live in lakeland as well
mspink_infinity: no
mustanger2001: ohh ok
mustanger2001: i mean are you looking for a relationship
mustanger2001: or just gonna have fun
mspink_infinity: I don't really know, my ex and I got really close to getting back together but didn't, and that only happen a little over a week ago
mspink_infinity: so I'm still kinda dealing with that, right now I'm just talking to and hanging out with people
mustanger2001: ohh ok
mspink_infinity: if it turns into something with someone then great, if it doesn't I'm ok with that
mspink_infinity: I'm just taking things really slow and not stressing about anything
mustanger2001: well let me ask you this with what you know of me would i be the type of person you would have a relationship with
mustanger2001: tell the truth
mspink_infinity: I don't really know yet, I don't want to jump to any conclusions about you so early
mspink_infinity: I barely know you
mustanger2001: ok sounds fair
mustanger2001: are you a cheater
mspink_infinity: no
mspink_infinity: and not that I'm lying but do you really think someone would admit to that right away?
mustanger2001: dont know but i always ask that
mspink_infinity: has anyone ever told you yes?
mustanger2001: yea a few in the past
mspink_infinity: wow
mspink_infinity: that's cool that they admitted though
mustanger2001: i dont put up with head games thats why im straight forward
mspink_infinity: ok
mustanger2001: i dont touch any one with out permission and both parties consent
mustanger2001: like saturday night when we hugged
mspink_infinity: did you ask a girl if you can kiss her?
mustanger2001: yes i do
mspink_infinity: lol
mustanger2001: y u laugh at me
mspink_infinity: I think that' skinda funny
mustanger2001: i told you im pure of heart
mustanger2001: its called respect
mustanger2001: come on your southern you know
mspink_infinity: I understand wanting to respect someone but with something like that I sometimes think it's funny
mustanger2001: im just woundering how soft your skin is
mspink_infinity: it puts the lotion on its skin
mspink_infinity: lol
mustanger2001: i mean you have a beautiful smile and a great deeanor
mustanger2001: demeanor
mspink_infinity: thank you
mustanger2001: if you and ur ex get back together i wish you the best of luck and happiness
mspink_infinity: we're not getting back together
mspink_infinity: we haven't had any contact since last tuesday and I've told him to never contact me again
mspink_infinity: and even if I wanted to my friends and family would not let me get back together with him
mustanger2001: i was just saying
mustanger2001: i dont want to upset you
mspink_infinity: you don't even have to mention me getting together with anyone
mustanger2001: huh ?
mspink_infinity: I'm just saying you don't have to mention it, and you shouldn't worry about it
mustanger2001: im not worrying about it
mustanger2001: to each there own
mustanger2001: all im saying and you know im up front with you is that i do like you alot and i would like to know alot more about you
mspink_infinity: then get to know me, not tell me you wish me luck with get back together with my ex
mustanger2001: im trying to get to know you
mspink_infinity: ok
mustanger2001: so were do you see ur self in three years
mspink_infinity: i really have no idea
mustanger2001: do u live day 2 day or you look in the future so you know what you have to do today
mspink_infinity: I always look to the future, but right now I'm just not sure what's going to happen in my life or if I'm going to make any major chances soon
mustanger2001: ok
mustanger2001: do you want a family
mspink_infinity: a part of me does and a part of me doesn't
mspink_infinity: I'm sure it would depend on who I ended up with if I did have kids or not
mustanger2001: are you able to have kids?
mspink_infinity: I assume I am
mustanger2001: well ok
mustanger2001: im sorry if im prying
mspink_infinity: it's ok
mspink_infinity: I have no reason to believe I can't but I've never been pregnant so I can't say for sure that I can
mustanger2001: im not gonna lie and i would never lie to you but i do find you very attractive and i am attracted to you alot you are very very beautiful and very intelligent
mspink_infinity: is that a round about way of saying you want to have kids with me? lol
mustanger2001: lol
mustanger2001: no thats not what i meant just read it again
mspink_infinity: I know, but if you look at it, you ask if I could have kids, then you say you're attracted to me, then you say I'm intelligent
mustanger2001: im just saying in a nice and complimentitive way that i really like you
mspink_infinity: I get that, I was trying to be funny
mustanger2001: ohh ok
mustanger2001: im a dumbass
mustanger2001: the only thang i dont like about you
mustanger2001: is that your not a big car buff but thats ok we can work with that
mspink_infinity: lol
mustanger2001: how do you feel about me ?
mustanger2001: not sure
mustanger2001: feel is the wrong word
mustanger2001: dont worry bout that question
mustanger2001: um ..... i dont know i guess if you want to do something friday night call me on thursday so we can make arrangements
mspink_infinity: ok
mustanger2001: you talking to that other guy ?
mspink_infinity: right this second?
mustanger2001: kindve a lil triangle thang
mustanger2001: its cool
mustanger2001: i dont care
mspink_infinity: I was asking if you meant right this second?
mustanger2001: it doesnt matter
mspink_infinity: you're right
mustanger2001: if we were together then it would matter
mustanger2001: but were not so it doesnt
mspink_infinity: that's right
mustanger2001: lets put it this way im looking for commitment are you the commitment type?
mspink_infinity: yes, but I don't know if I want one with you
mspink_infinity: I don't know you well enough to answer that
mustanger2001: im not saying with me its just a general question
mustanger2001: but i do thank you for that burn
mspink_infinity: burn?
mustanger2001: Rachel: yes, but I don't know if I want one with you
mspink_infinity: I don't know you well enough to answer that
mustanger2001: its ok well like i said friday if you want to do something call me on thursday
mspink_infinity: ok
mustanger2001: good night and take care
mspink_infinity: night